A Talking Centipede
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So, he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So, he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So, he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?" This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"
Your Hearing is Perfect!
An elderly gentleman named Morris had had considerable hearing problems for a number of years. Naturally, Morris went to his doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that enabled Morris to hear perfectly.
Morris returned in a month to the doctor for his check-up and was told, 'Morris, your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
Morris grinned, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times, already.'